June 22, 2006
June 25, 2006
June 22, 2006
After spending 15 hours on three different planes of varying sizes and comfort levels, I have arrived in Loki, safe and sound!
What I have learned:
1. Flying would be a much more enjoyable experience if I were 30 pounds lighter and two inches shorter. Judging by the weather here in Loki and the food I've eaten so far, I may be at least somewhat more comfortable on the way home than I was on the way here. I will, however, likely not be any shorter.
2. Flying in a plane that seats 14 is far more comfortable than flying on a Boeing 777. The food on the plane that seats 14, however, is not of the KLM gourmet variety.
3. Kenyan taxi drivers are very bold, and very skilled. Well, either it's skill, or else we were just recipients of a very special form of divine protection as we hurtled at breakneck speed through Nairobi's giant roundabouts, which were, incidentally, jammed with hundreds of other cars doing the exact same thing at the same time.
3. Do not take pictures at a Kenyan airport. If you do so, you will immediately be accosted by a burly, uniformed, and armed security guard who will warn you sternly, closing the conversation with, "I will be merciful to you this time."
4. Kenyan immigration officials are either very slow to understand, or very clumsy in attempting to bribe travelers. I'm not sure which, but thankfully my confusion helped me to avoid paying duty on the gifts I brought into the country.
[we join the conversation in progress]
Me: But I'm taking these as a gift for a missionary training school.
Immigration official: But sir, I am sure you are giving me a very low value for these radios.
Me: Check on the Internet. They were on sale at The Source. $50.00 per pair. It was a good deal, that’s why I bought them there.
Immigration official (while writing numbers on a piece of scrap paper): Sir, you say these radios are worth $100.00 each? Do you have any receipts? (He turns to discuss the matter in Kiswahili with a co-worker. They enter into an animated, prolonged conversation).
Me (for the 8th time): No, I said these radios cost $50.00 per pair. $100.00 for all four. And the receipts are in Canada.
Immigration official (pressing buttons on the walkie-talkie and holding it up to his ear): That is a very low value for these radios. What is their range?
Me: Two kilometers. They're a gift! I shouldn't have to pay duty on a gift!
[conversation edited at this point for the sake of brevity]
Immigration official (still inspecting the walkie-talkie): All right, sir, I will be merciful to you this time. Go ahead.
4. The world is a strange place. While I sit here typing on a laptop computer that has high-speed Internet connectivity (theoretically, at least, since the Internet hasn't worked since I arrived this morning), there are, not more than three kilometers from here, people living in huts made out of sticks who herd goats and collect buckets of water from the MERF compound, which is their only source of water.
5. While I am in fact in Northern Kenya, I am living in the U.K. Pastor Duane Vedders, the teacher who is here with me for the next couple of weeks, is living in Canada. Between us is Cyprus. Down on the end of the block is the kitchen. The kitchen is Egypt. At least, that's what the signs above the doors say. I have left Egypt several times today. In my own small way, I am repeating the exodus every time I leave the kitchen.
6. If you really want to lose a class's attention, hand out books to them right at the beginning of the class. Especially if they don't get too many books. Because they won't pay any attention to you after they receive their new books. Even if it is just Louis Berkhof's "Summary of Christian Doctrine."
6b. When teaching men who were unaware that there is a book called "Ruth" in the Bible, cross out the section on "concurrence" in Louis Berkhof's "Summary of Christian Doctrine." Concurrence is far less important than the story of Boaz and Ruth.
7. Before giving out books that are filled with abbreviated Scripture references, ensure that your students know what the abbreviations mean. This will save everyone concerned from much unnecessary confusion.
5. People from Sudan find it easier to pronounce the name "James" than "Jim." I now feel very important and upper-crust, and will from this point onward demand to be called "James" everywhere I go.
6. Christian men in the Sudan are named James, John, Matthew, Peter, Stephen, James, John, John Paul, John Mark, Matthew Peter, Peter David, David James, James, or John. This makes remembering names even more difficult than it already is when you meet 44 men at the same time.
7. Lokichoggio boasts a hotel named "The Survivor Hotel." Above that sign is another that says, "Butchery." I will not be staying at the Survivor Hotel.
After spending 15 hours on three different planes of varying sizes and comfort levels, I have arrived in Loki, safe and sound!
What I have learned:
1. Flying would be a much more enjoyable experience if I were 30 pounds lighter and two inches shorter. Judging by the weather here in Loki and the food I've eaten so far, I may be at least somewhat more comfortable on the way home than I was on the way here. I will, however, likely not be any shorter.
2. Flying in a plane that seats 14 is far more comfortable than flying on a Boeing 777. The food on the plane that seats 14, however, is not of the KLM gourmet variety.
3. Kenyan taxi drivers are very bold, and very skilled. Well, either it's skill, or else we were just recipients of a very special form of divine protection as we hurtled at breakneck speed through Nairobi's giant roundabouts, which were, incidentally, jammed with hundreds of other cars doing the exact same thing at the same time.
3. Do not take pictures at a Kenyan airport. If you do so, you will immediately be accosted by a burly, uniformed, and armed security guard who will warn you sternly, closing the conversation with, "I will be merciful to you this time."
4. Kenyan immigration officials are either very slow to understand, or very clumsy in attempting to bribe travelers. I'm not sure which, but thankfully my confusion helped me to avoid paying duty on the gifts I brought into the country.
[we join the conversation in progress]
Me: But I'm taking these as a gift for a missionary training school.
Immigration official: But sir, I am sure you are giving me a very low value for these radios.
Me: Check on the Internet. They were on sale at The Source. $50.00 per pair. It was a good deal, that’s why I bought them there.
Immigration official (while writing numbers on a piece of scrap paper): Sir, you say these radios are worth $100.00 each? Do you have any receipts? (He turns to discuss the matter in Kiswahili with a co-worker. They enter into an animated, prolonged conversation).
Me (for the 8th time): No, I said these radios cost $50.00 per pair. $100.00 for all four. And the receipts are in Canada.
Immigration official (pressing buttons on the walkie-talkie and holding it up to his ear): That is a very low value for these radios. What is their range?
Me: Two kilometers. They're a gift! I shouldn't have to pay duty on a gift!
[conversation edited at this point for the sake of brevity]
Immigration official (still inspecting the walkie-talkie): All right, sir, I will be merciful to you this time. Go ahead.
4. The world is a strange place. While I sit here typing on a laptop computer that has high-speed Internet connectivity (theoretically, at least, since the Internet hasn't worked since I arrived this morning), there are, not more than three kilometers from here, people living in huts made out of sticks who herd goats and collect buckets of water from the MERF compound, which is their only source of water.
5. While I am in fact in Northern Kenya, I am living in the U.K. Pastor Duane Vedders, the teacher who is here with me for the next couple of weeks, is living in Canada. Between us is Cyprus. Down on the end of the block is the kitchen. The kitchen is Egypt. At least, that's what the signs above the doors say. I have left Egypt several times today. In my own small way, I am repeating the exodus every time I leave the kitchen.
6. If you really want to lose a class's attention, hand out books to them right at the beginning of the class. Especially if they don't get too many books. Because they won't pay any attention to you after they receive their new books. Even if it is just Louis Berkhof's "Summary of Christian Doctrine."
6b. When teaching men who were unaware that there is a book called "Ruth" in the Bible, cross out the section on "concurrence" in Louis Berkhof's "Summary of Christian Doctrine." Concurrence is far less important than the story of Boaz and Ruth.
7. Before giving out books that are filled with abbreviated Scripture references, ensure that your students know what the abbreviations mean. This will save everyone concerned from much unnecessary confusion.
5. People from Sudan find it easier to pronounce the name "James" than "Jim." I now feel very important and upper-crust, and will from this point onward demand to be called "James" everywhere I go.
6. Christian men in the Sudan are named James, John, Matthew, Peter, Stephen, James, John, John Paul, John Mark, Matthew Peter, Peter David, David James, James, or John. This makes remembering names even more difficult than it already is when you meet 44 men at the same time.
7. Lokichoggio boasts a hotel named "The Survivor Hotel." Above that sign is another that says, "Butchery." I will not be staying at the Survivor Hotel.